Wednesday, March 09, 2005

(Some Florida Station) The adoptive parents of a 17-year-old boy who weighed 49 pounds when found in a home where he was forced to wear a diaper and sleep in a locked, cage-like bed have been charged with child neglect, authorities said.
I mean it's not like it "was" a cage. It was just "cage-like."

It's like the Kosher-style deli, run by a Catholic family, where Bob and I worked in Madison, WI. It was no where near Kosher. I'm pretty sure they had no idea what Kosher was. It was, as it's called in the legal world, "mere puffing" (a nice way of saying bogus advertising). "Cage-like" just isn't the same as a "cage." I bet it was actually a very nice living space. Probably Feng Shui'd and everything. The water bowl placed opposite the "cage-like" door...the food bowl at just the right angle from the shit bucket.

And puh-leeze, "forced" to wear a diaper. I bet that's what all the kids are wearing these days; you can't keep up with the fashion, it changes so quickly. Low slung pants, bell bottoms, diapers. What's the big deal.

And give me a break, all we hear about is the obesity problem in America and here are some parents that made sure their son stayed away from carbs and all other foods that cause weight gain.

So I say, rather than charge these parents with a crime, we should salute them; say "well done concerned parents, thank you for being there for your child, thank you for adopting this orphan and taking him into your family"....and then beat them to death with baseball bats and bury them in shallow graves in an Indiana cornfield (see the Spilatro brothers...made famous in Casino by Joe Pesci). Actually, upon proof-reading (which believe it or not, I do every now and again) I think it'd be better to just beat them to an inch of dead. Wait for them to heal and THEN beat them to death.

(yeah, I'm having a martini...the kids got to me earlier tonight...'course now I'm gonna go up and give them a hug...but first I think I'll freshen the drink)